As I say on other pages on this website, people come to therapy for many reasons. These can include struggling to work through past issues, focusing on current problems, and wanting to feel better. An increasingly common reason, though, is to get to know yourself better. In essence, to be clear about their identity.
Identity is a strange thing. For some theorists (e.g. Berne, 1961) identity is a fundamental developmental task, already established by the age of three. For other people, though, identity is a lifelong process of exploration. It can involve a soul-searching process, an exploration of who to be and how to be, and ultimately finding a way to make particular life choices.
Having a clear identity can give a sense of stability. Conversely, dramatic and disturbing events in life can shake our definition of who we are. Telling our stories (for example in therapy) can help with this. Embedded within our stories are all of our experiences, hopes, fears, excitements and losses. They may impact our identities in significant ways. Often, we can’t just take things in our stride, but rather, how we experience a life event can support or destabilise us.
We can work through this disturbance though and it is important to do so. Having an ‘identity achieved’ status, according to Marcia, 1966, can help us feel OK about ourselves and our lives. It may not be permanent sense of OKness but it may be enough for the next phase of life. It may help us find new meanings for those past issues or current problems, and help us feel better in the present moment.
Indeed, if we are able to explore our identities and develop positive self-narratives about who we are then feeling emotionally secure can be an additional positive outcome. Contrast this with negative self-narratives which often lead to low self-esteem and anxiety.
Beginning psychotherapy and counselling to work through some of these issues can feel like a life-changing or life-saving opportunity. At the other extreme, it may feel self-indulgent and extravagant. However, in times of struggle, our sense of identity can provide purpose, strength and meaning. Take your current area of difficulty, for example. Some change or loss that has happened during COVID-19 perhaps? A relationship difficulty? Or feelings of anxiety or low mood? Whatever you may be struggling with, soul-searching and having a clear self-image can help you know how to respond. As you get to know yourself better, you can, in turn develop greater emotional security, a sense of stability and a new vision for yourself and your life.
Psychotherapy, then, can provide a safe and secure space for you to explore your identity in the context of your current circumstances or difficulties. If doing this sounds like what you need, then please do email me. Alternatively, feel free to visit the remainder of this website for information about other areas of difficulty which I also work with.